Life happens and seems to filter off in many different directions whether I like it or not... and admittedly I have been choosing to be happy without really being happy... I have realized that their is an authenticity to happiness when it arises from a mind that is balanced and it is something that can't be forced but comes from a place of true contentment. From a heart that is full comes the peace I seek.
As of late this peace has escaped me as I find myself plunged into a divorce, empty nest, and menopause all converging on top of each other and manifesting in me as a nasty swirl of emotion. Lord knows the menopause on its own is a staggering blow but for the Universe throw in all the other stuff is just darn right mean! And yes, I know what doesn't kill me makes me stronger, thank you very much!
My wildly swing hormones leaves me standing on an emotional ledge without a lot of room left for grace.. My patience clearly at its whits end with Samara I find my mind thinking crazy things like for example, hating my 20 something neighbors and their hedonistic behaviors. That said, I have realized that I am incredibly grateful to not have any daughters! Last nights adventures in the Land of Loud brought this to my attention as I listened to a group of girls at my neighbors loft party talking over each other and the only word that seemed to cut through in their conversation was "LIKE". Every sentence was started with "LIKE". Now I hate the word "LIKE" for no other reason. I attribute my pettiness and lack of compassion to my loss of hormones... Please know that if I rip your face off and hand it you and wish you "Hari Krishna" at the same time its nothing personal.
... Now back to that illusive peace... and some lunch:)